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I.Me.My.Mine

guesswhoseblogisthis.blogspot.com


♥The Above Is None Other Than Me♥
I'm a messy perfectionist and a blind optimist. Loves Jesus Christ =)

♥30-bits of me♥
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 Just hover, don't click :P



Speak Up!

Statement of Independance


I'm free and my future is God's and my own. I treat my friends with care. I do what's right and that's that. For those I have hurt before intentionally or unintentionally, i ask for your forgiveness. I'm a new creation in Jesus Christ :)

Arigato
This blogskin is proudly presented to you by Anna May with an icon from The Fading Night.

Nangers
Won't hurt to click this :P

Aloha people!
Hi, i'm Nikita~ Feel free to browse around, don't be shy, yea? =) Toodles~ ♥
Dear Diary,
Broken Smile
Wednesday, August 30, 2006 @ 9:44 PM


Broken Smile

Today I visited Su Ann's blog and read her latest blog entry about lies. And it reminded me of something... It happened almost 2 years ago.. actually it was last year.. how a guy so called "my best friend" lied to me like it was fun. At that time, I really liked him and wanted to know more about him. I text messaged him almost everyday and he knows that I'm interested in him, he knows. When I knew him, he was single. So, we had fun chatting together. Little did I realised, I began to fall for him. After that, Christmas came and passed. The next year which was last year. School started again and I was excited that I can see him in bus again. But he never had the nerve to talk to me face to face. He was shy, I wonder. I did many things to impress him but it was futile. Later in March I heard he had a gf and I was shocked so I asked him but he denied. I believed him, really. Later in April I heard again and there is this girl which I never once was close before kept looking at me. I wonder why. I asked him again and at last he told me, yes he has, just only. So, I thought oh okay. Later, dunno how he told me he actually had one early that year. I felt so cheated, hurt and crushed. He should have told me earlier but he did not and he denied. I felt really stupid for text messaging him all the time eventhough he has a gf. And he said I'm his best friend when he did not even tell me the truth. I was so frustrated so I don't care, I told him how I felt for him. And guess what he replied?... "wah, you very brave oh..".. I was like, ok that was a weird reply.. what kind of reply is that.. haha. Next, things became heated+funny. He is one dumb person. He kept the sms that I sent him abt how I felt. and his gf saw it, and confronted me.. HAHAHA... I admit in front of her that I liked her bf but I assured that it will be history. And my life became scary. Everytime i see her, i run away. I dunno why I'm so scared of her. She is fierce and has her own "gang".. What if she comes and belasah me?.. scary lol.. hahaha... tempang later... but later i thought it was stupid to run away from her so I did not.. HAHAHA.. see her, say hi lar.. anyway, it was nth... and I wished them all the best.


This year, they broke up. Because she was a very domineering and controlling gf. And he can't stand her anymore. But i admire him for tolerating it for a year. If it was me, he will be a goner.. hahaha....



The question I want to ask here is...

I wonder if this is the work of God???.....


From this, I knew God loved me..


but I don't have one bit of feeling anymore.. haha..



This year+last year.. I met him. I thought he was different, different from all the other guys I've met. So, we gave each other a chance. But it proved me wrong. He was different,yes but he disappointed me and that is what saddened me most. Sometimes I wonder, should I give it another go?.. Something pulls me back.. It's the fear and disappointment that is holding me back. No, I can't. Maybe it was a mistake to start it.



Now, I'm glad I made that decision. I'm in another conflict now.. Sometimes I can leave it, but sometimes I cling to it. I can't let it go just like that. I can't even seem to bridge the distance. It feels like there is a wall. A very thick and strong wall. No matter how hard I try, there is always the wall that I can't seem to break or look beyond. Maybe one day the wall might break. No matter what, I must at least try. I can't give up because I fear the wall might break one day and I'm not there to grab that opportunity. I pray and hope that it will break. But I doubt it, it seems hopeless.. hopeless to the core. It's a bridge that is too far to be connected like Heaven and Hell, water and oil. By a lot of factors.. too many to mention. He is so far away. All I can grasp is the thin air that he left. It's a fairy tale for instance, the prince that never found Cinderella and married her sister.. LOL, that's scary.. HAHAHA.. We are so near yet so far... All I can do now is watch. Seeing him happy is the one thing that makes me happy.



For that, I wish him all the best!!!! =D



I just have to leave that to God, He knows the best. Whatever He has plan for me. I'll take it.. hehehe.. Quoting from what my teacher said before "God is the one who joins people"... so.. I'll leave it to God.. hahaha... give some credit to my teacher.. Who's that??... *drum roll* Mr Joel Cheong MH.. wakakakaka.... =P




And now, I want to drink water.. hahahaha.... ahak ahak, coughing.. haiz... LOL.. =P


HopAround!