today was a very eventful day.. haha.. first time taking 3 papers in a day, crying while answering questions, got exam paper form 4 and missing teacher... haha...
Today i have to sit for my English paper 1 because i did not take it on Tuesday as I have my drama competition.. hehe... and teacher only told us today that we are taking it, so sudden!! but anyway what to read for paper 1?... haha.. put on your thinking cap and start putting words together... so funny, we were suppose to take it after our early recess.. it suppose to start at 10.20 but teacher came late because not enough question paper, =.=".. she happily photocopied them and when we got it.. HAHA! what humour! "Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan (P) Air Panas" "English Paper 1" "Tingkatan 4"... LOL LMAO ROFL... man, we were already running late and teacher got the wrong paper, we need to be quick because we have our EST paper 2 after that.. the schedule:
8.45-10.00 EST paper 1
10.00-10.15 Recess makan makan!! haha
10.20-12.00 English paper 1 (ngam ngam 1hour45mins, only
for the drama queens, hehe)
12.05- 1.05 EST paper 2
so, you see, our schedule was kinda tight.. so teacher said do 1 hour first after est paper another 45 mins... haha.. so funny... and we were like rushing up and down because we have to take the english test in a different class.. but well, in the end all went smoothly.. it was fun.. hahaha...
while i was taking my first est paper, i cried... haha.. so funny... Marisa was in front of me and when she asked me to pick up the rubbish, i immediately cried... it was pure coincidence.. she thought i cried because she asked me to pick up the rubbish... hahaha!! =) and i dunno how, half of the class knew that... haiz... haha
yeah, i want to talk about why i cried now.. before i start, to anyone who is reading, either the person involved or not... i'm not going to say who it is and me telling it again is just to explain things out, not to blame anyone or say who is right or wrong, pls do not get it wrong.. I said it is just to explain, not to aggravate it.. not to point fingers...
ok i will start now... it was a peaceful morning... X and I went to school with good moods.. and then X started asking me questions which are suppose to be confidential. I thought X knew so i just answered in such a way to cover the real truth.
Explaination- First, X knew because my friend, Z told her that and so i thought Z would have told X that is a confidential thing because Z was so dead worried that it would leak. hey, i dont know and X dont know either.. so it was a misunderstanding.. so ok lor, nvm lar... it was over, pass already, i also don care, no harm done... so i thought everything will go back to normal...
But then, i felt that X is angry towards me.. and then Z asked X sth, i dunno wat.. den after i persuaded Z to tell me what X said (Z insist not to tell me but i insist Z back and so Z told).. X is angry because X thought i blame X for asking so many things about it.. but hey! i've got brains and i know how to think rationally.. do i seem like a person that blames people for no reason? i know that X didn't know it and i also dunno but later i know already.. ok lar.. for wat i wana blame people.. and if i knew it or not, i will never blame ppl because my life principle(pal?) is to never blame anyone for anything.. why? first, it is truly bad to put blame on others when sth happens, it makes ppl feel bad and it doesn't solve anything instead makes things worse.. if a friend who truly understands me, she/he will know that i dun blame ppl.. it is such a sad thing to hear that.. as christians, we have to be peacemakers.. and for your information, one of d reason i'm alive is to see my friends happy all the time if possible but that is impossible(but i noe, no one will believe).. why do you think i crack jokes, whether it is funny or not?.. i just want to see my friends happy and feel entertained but i am alwiz being misunderstood.. you think, i got nothing better to do, making a clown out of myself for no particular reason?.. it is because i want to see my friends' happy face.. and i will feel very sad or hurt if my friends are sad or angry.. i care for my friends though i dun seem so, i guess... i seemed to be an insensitive person rite?.. saying things that will hurt ppl unintentionally.. i admit sometimes my mouth is like that but no hard feelings.. so when i know that X was angry that i blamed X, i was very affected from it.. i do not want X to feel that it is X's fault (well, X knows it is not her fault lar, matter of factly) and IT IS NOT X's FAULT, it is no one's fault.. it is just a misunderstanding.. (and yah it is not abt menegakkan keadilan) so i decided to tell X that i never blame X, and X should not feel that way.. it is not like that.. so i went up to X courageously and told X, i did not blame her.. but what did X replied?.. i dun care already, if she doesnt care, she wouldnt be acting like that.. and X said OK.. it is not sincere at all... it is just the sake of saying it... what did i get for trying to reconcile? (it is never easy but it is OK).. a very hurtful answer, moreover it is not sincere (i'm vy particular with sincerity)... i was very very sad... and so without realizing, tears flowed down... not that i want to "menagih simpati" or what.. it is because i was very hurt... i really care for all my friends,... dun feel that way, can or not... ppl may think it is a minor thing that i should leave it and let it be OK.. yes, it is true but do you know, if you dun explain, it will definitely be a wrong misunderstanding about that person and if we ever quarrel again, things like this will come up again.. so we must talk it out and clear everything... as a friend, cant we sit down and talk properly.. why must we be overly defensive?.. i'm not coming to quarrel but to cool.. i know i make mistakes.. but what did i do wrong???... well, later after i cried, i felt much much better... later Z said X was OK already but i still feel my existence is not being counted... haiz what to do.. a futile effort to make it right... i hope X understands this.. if you are reading this, i'm sorry... ok... i apologize.. (for making you feel that way)
some of you may think i'm bullshitting but it is up to you to believe and i dun waste my time here writing something that is untrue.. lol
the end of today's story.. hopefully, on wednesday, everything will go back to normal... ..................................................................................:'(