This someone is so special, so wonderfully made by God. I thank God for you, dear.

(I hope he doesn't get too stuck up after reading the below :p)

Today.. after months, I feel like writing again, I feel like expressing how I feel about this special guy that I recently have the privilege to get to know better, to spend quality time with, to share laughter and similar ideas and to share music of all times together. Sometimes it feels like we travelled through the eras together as we sing our hearts to the symphony of time. I feel comfortable and secure with him. That's very important, isn't it?

I thought to myself, why me? There's plenty of nice pretty girls everywhere.

Then again, I feel like a little girl when I'm with him, I would laugh as much as I want, just be carefree and not worry about anything, just be silly - I feel happy when I'm with him and I just want to enjoy our time together, it's not much but it's going to be very precious. He cares for me, a bit fierce but I like it - it makes me feel cared for. Something I've not felt for a long time.

So, who is he, you wonder?

He is different, he is special. He is someone full of soul and I feel it deep in my heart. He is someone you can depend on (yang ni), someone who can take care of you a lot and himself! Very considerate and generous, a person with a big heart! Someone who is kind hearted and has ambition. Willing to learn and wacky/crazy at times too!! A generally happy person. Very sweet and very humble and still denies how good looking he is. Hehehe.. Someone who is "selfish" as what he calls himself - sincere in his givings and never expects a return. Someone respectful and has guts. Lack of experience but it doesn't matter as he is mature. He is the epitome of how a man should be. =)

What's cooler is our birthdates are just two days apart! We can even celebrate together! :p

Sometimes I sit and ponder this question - Will this love last? or just a fleeting affair?

I sure do hope he has good honourable intentions and so far, I'm pretty convinced he is not taking me for a ride. I really like him, like him for everything he is. The future seems good with him, I don't go into a relationship with a person if I'm unable to picture myself living with him for a lifetime.

And I want to love him for a long, long, long time, a very long time.. for as long as I can. =)

If I can grow old with him, I must be a very blessed and lucky girl to have him by my side for such a long time!

Talk is cheap, but I want to express what is in my heart, it makes me feel it is achievable when it is written and not just an idea in my mind. I'm set out to achieve it! I'm not very worried about obstacles, with two willing parties, I'm sure any obstacles can be overcome.

Sometimes I do get a little jealous but I hope he doesn't misunderstand it, I am not possessive or I'm not going to blow my top LOL. I just want to see how he reacts. He has all his rights to care for anyone he wants, yeah love is not selfish.. and I want to share the world with him, I want to show everyone I care for who is this person I'm going to give my heart to, because I'm proud of him. =)

He is none other than my beloved, Derek Chow.

*brush brush* My writings has deproved, it's been too long since I wrote a piece.

Trust me, Love is True & Real.

Love,
Nikki, your one and only.







To: KK,

Hey just so you know, I've deleted you from my friend's list cos you dont deserve to be my friend. Your insensitivity has crossed the line. Dont think/take depression as easy as one of your day to day problems. Dont come and tell me that u're stressed u gotta support ursef and ur family and then after tat got a new expensive handphone. It's not like you cant, but its just contradicting. So stop bullshitting. Maybe I'm asking too much from you as I thought we could still support/encourage each other even as friends, but i was wrong. So wrong about you. I've tried my best, I know you're hurt and stressed from job and you should know best that I've tried to destress you. I've tried to be there for you even as a friend, perhaps not a gf. I'm as stressed as you or even more - dealing with a suicidal, depressed, down Mother. PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES. UR FAMILY MEMBERS IS WAY MORE IMPT THAN ANY JOB. You should know best, you were once close to me. But I just didnt want to burden you with it/ my problems and I once hoped that you'd understand that, and try to support me through this emotional trial. Its always about you, your job, your future and WHEN you can have fun with me if I get to go to Penang. Yes I know you want us to be happy but not at this time. I'm not belittling your problems so dont you dare belittle mine and say things like "everyone has problems, i do too". That shows how freaking selfish and ignorant are you. Did you ever ask about my mother? Even i'm stressed, i put away my worries when I talk to you and put you first. Well I just thought you would think abt mine too. I think too nicely of you.

I'm sensitive abt it because its my Mother and because its you. Not just anyone by the road, ya know? But at least now I noe who you are.

So please educate yourself on depression before you start talking like some selfish kid. Please read http://www.helpguide.org/mental/living_depressed_person.htm. Perhaps you can get brighter.

well, thats all. wish you a good future :)

Goodbye.

Phew~ Must let it out! :D

Pretty start, ugly ending...

That was us. How sad.. although that's not my intention ~

Yeah I most probably was wrong in many ways, perhaps selfish and jealous,
Did many mistakes, gave you many headaches.
You might think I'm pesty and troublesome,
Crazy and unreasonable.

I guess it was because i love you and didn't want to lose place in your heart.
However, I expressed it in the wrong way :)

Knowing that you dont really care about me anymore,
it really hurts me deeply.
But I know nothing can help,
once you've made your decision, nothing's gonna change your mind.

I still remember the times we spent with each other,
the happy times, the sad times,
I guess as time past by, we all forgot about the good in each other,
and focused more on the bad.

All is forgotten, only anger and disappointment remains.
What a way to say goodbye to your lover ~
Which leaves a certain unrest in my heart...

I can assure you though, that I tried my best to be your best gf.

But i know, whatever I do now, cannot make up.
Or heal the hurt I gave you.

I'm truly sorry and I mean it. I didnt mean to do the things I've done.
If it would make you happier that all blame is put on me,
then let me take it.

Right now, I have to give up, I must, and I'm going to try really hard,
to give myself a bright future ahead :D
No longer crying for someone who doesn't care about me anymore.

The old do not go, the new cannot come ~

I'm glad that you moved on faster than I did.

Reminding myself that I must be strong,
Knowing for certain that God is there for me,
Acknowledging my mistakes like a man,
I know He will forgive me and wash away my pain.

I hope you do too, someday.

Sorry again. and Thank you for everything, I appreciate each & every one,
the sweet memories you and I shared are held in my hands like diamonds
but are now placed in the boxes it belongs to. :)

Go and live a happy life from today onwards! :D

Yours sincerely,
Nikki